Asetbesai (gonendone) wrote in dua_aset,

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Celebration of life

I thought I'd share one of my most profound experiences with Mom as a way to celebrate life today. Dua Netjer! Dua Aset!

Ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted children. My mom says that at one point I told her that I wanted twins, a boy and a girl (so I could be done with it all at once), born in the year 2000 so I never had to work to remember how old they are (I'm horrible with ages...) Well, when I was a teenager and had been having periods for a few years, my cramps became horrendous. They would be completely incapacitating. Nothing would get rid of them, so I would literally be out of commision, no school, no work, nada, for a couple days. Just bed ridden with pain surrounding me.

My mom thought this wrong, so made an appointment with a gyno and I went the first time when I was about 13, maybe 14. She examined me and told me 2 bits of news that weren't overly pleasent. The first was that I had a very small uterus. Not something that in and of itself would prevent me from having children, but it would certainly make it difficult to carry to term. The second is what really stopped the children dream... My ovaries and fallopian tubes were twisted so from what she could tell, the eggs weren't even getting in to the fallopian tubes. If by some miracle I did get pregnant, it would more than likely be ectoptic and I would have to abort it. I was devastated. I was immediately put on birth control pills to help with the cramps, which did work.

Fast forward a few years to my second marriage with Frank. (Oh, in between I was repeatedly told the same thing by all the GYNs that I saw, and when I was in boot camp I had surgery on my cervix due to abnormal cells that indicated cervical cancer.) Frank and I had been discussing children. We talked about all possiblities, in vetro, adoption, surrogate, trying for natural but they all depressed me. The doctors weren't overly optomistic about anything except adoption.

At the time I was a practicing Wiccan, though my chosen Deities were Aset and Wesir. (Almost a DUH! moment there...) I was rather good at doing protection spells, especially those that involved children and pregnant women, which I found more than slightly ironic. One day I got the brilliant (highly questionable that...) idea to beseech Aset to help me have my own children. I talked to Frank about it and he said if it would make me feel better to go ahead, but he wasn't putting much stock in it and would keep looking at adoption agencies.

So one day I did a ritual/spell and asked Aset to help me get pregnant with my own children. I wasn't real sure how well I had done, or if it had worked at all as I felt no different. That night I had a dream that I can still remember in great detail to this day.

In the dream I was laying in bed, on my back, asleep. Something roused me and I looked over at the door. It was closed, but all around it, especially from the bottom, I could see this blue light. Not a brilliant, vibrant blue, but a soft, soothing color. The door opened and as the light flooded the room, a shadow stood in the doorway. As my eyes adjusted to the light I could see that it was Aset. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I was trapped on the bed, but I wasn't afraid. She moved/floated into the room and came over to the bed, where She stood over me. She gave me a benign smile, placed Her hands together a moment, then placed Her hands over my mid section.

As I watched, the blue light moved down from Her hands and into my body. I could feel the light. It was warm with a slight tingling feeling to it. The light and feeling flooded my abdomen for a few moments, then She stood up. She again smiled at me then leaned over and kissed me on my forehead, which then began to have the same sensations as my stomach was having. I could feel Her thoughts, more than hear them, as She said "You will need strength to enjoy My gift, but always it is a gift."

With that She moved backwards, though didn't turn away from me, out of the room, the door closed and after a few minutes the light faded and I went back to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I could feel where Her hands had been and where She'd kissed my forehead. I pondered on it, but only talked to another Wiccan friend of mine, as Frank wasn't really interested in ever hearing about my involvements with things supernatural/paranormal or however you want to put it.

That weekend was the weekend of our first year anniversary. We spent the weekend in a hotel in Waikiki pretending to be tourists, and that weekend I got pregnant. I was immediately put into a high risk catagory as the doctor's weren't sure how I had managed to actually get pregnant. Everything had pointed towards me not being able to.

There's more after this, but it's mostly dealing with finding out I was having twins and the difficulties I had during my pregnancy and delivery, but they're not the important parts. Even now, though, when I go to the GYN, they're surprised to hear that I've had children naturally, as things are not as they should be in the reproductive system in the land of Heather's Insides. And that I had twins without a C section is even more bewildering to them.

I've been told that I can't have anymore, that if I got pregnant again it would more than likely kill me, the baby or both, that it would be ectoptic, that it would be a multiple again and would certainly kill me, blah blah blah. Everything inside me knows that the boys are Mom's gift and without Her I wouldn't have had them. And I treasure them, even on the rough days, for the gift they are.

Thanks, Mom.
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